Hello, 2018. You are here.
All too soon, but here nonetheless. It’s been so long I wrote in this familiar WordPress editing page. There’s so much to study and the ample of self-doubt I’m harboring is the perfect recipe for an empty blog.
I told a few of my friends that I’m done with this platform, but I guess I don’t want to be done with it, just yet. Time is ever-fleeting, especially now, I want it to stop, embrace the first few days of the new year, but it’s already Day 10 and my Physics books are, even now, glaring at me from the side table.
I’m halfway through reading Stephen King’s ‘On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft’. If you’re someone who plans to take on writing seriously, I do urge you to read it. It’s a very straightforward, no bullshit kind of book. It speaks of how he came to be a writer, in the beginning, and then goes on to speak of some basics of the dos and the don’ts of good writing.
I’ve been listening to the audiobook version and I must say, so far it’s really helped me, it seems to be working because I’m a person who’s very good at convincing herself that since I’m not good enough I might as well give up and this has put so many of those insecurities in place. He’s upfront about it and says, I’m paraphrasing here, if you are not ready to take writing seriously, to not think of it as any other 9-5 or 7-3 job then you might as well stop now. I always wait for inspiration to come to me, I’m not the ideal “writes everyday” kind. I work more on Feeling than actual determination and those are clear signs that I haven’t yet learned to take on writing with a seriousness.
At least until my exams of the 12th grade are over I cannot imagine following that schedule strictly. But I know I’ll be needing this book in the future as well. Stephen’s like a no-nonsense teacher, he’s not ready to hear your excuses and he knows, at best, you’re human, at worst, you’re a bad writer and he’ll tell you-you are.
I’m starting college this year, wherever that may be. I have a pretty good idea in my mind as to where I might end up but I’ll stop right there before I start building my castle in the sky.
This year is no doubt going to be the most different. I’m leaving home to go to a university. Living in a new city, making an entirely new set of friends, you know the works.
What this entails is that Change is going to be so much more an integral part of my life at this time, most of it is exciting, and the rest is just straight up scary but I’m ready to embrace unfamiliarity. In all of this, I realize I might end up losing myself a little bit. When things are fast paced and ‘happening’ I have a tendency of not really Experiencing them, it’s like you’re a passenger in your body just tagging along.
One of my shortcomings has been (how should I put it) my chameleon nature, I’m too good at adaptation, survival is always good but my mind is too hard-wired to conformity sometimes. I’m well on my way to not giving a shit as to what people think and just being myself, but I’m not entirely there yet. So I hope I keep this in mind in the new city.
On pausing: here’s what I need to do more of, call it a new years resolution if you may. I’m going to try to pause more often, just stop, look around and take in my environment, I need to stop to feel and to fully realize these new experiences. I’d hate for this year to be a blur. So, document more.
And this doesn’t only apply in the case of these moments but normal conversation as well.
I feel nowadays we’re so used to saying the first things on our mind, too afraid of a conversation lag that we feel the need to keep speaking, no matter the bland content of the conversation, small talk is killing real conversation. I’m not a purist, I don’t believe all conversations need to be deep and meaningful, no, far from it. Imagine how exhausting it would be to ONLY have meaning talks with people, but we need to give our small talk some thought as well. Pause for a second and think about why we are necessarily talking about the weather or yesterday’s red carpet dresses. Is there something of importance you could bring to the topic, some social commentary perhaps or is it leading towards nothing.
I’d been doing that recently, I started to actually pause and think about the talks I was having, refining what I meant to say and it was so much more satisfying. Silences and all, embrace the awkwardness and think.
Anyways, that’s what I have to say right now, I must go offline now, I’ve been typing for an hour almost and my science books are feeling neglected.
I don’t know if anyone’s still reading, if you are, can you tell me something about yourself in the comments? If you’re too lazy or uninterested, ignore this lol.
I hope you’re smiling and excited!